JD Vance, Meet the Cat Ladies :: A New Political Force

JD Vance has one of those very “punchable faces”, you know?? And then he opens his mouth and you sorta want to set him on fire. Not literally, of course. Watching a room full of people who very obviously didn’t want to be there dish out a Jeb Bush style “please clap” reaction to his oh so lame attempt at making a joke gets me there so it doesn’t matter.

And then JD decided to come after the cat ladies.. twice! What was he thinking?

Most of the pro-cat push back has been about defending the lifestyle and a chorus of confusion over cats over kids means that you don’t care about America, or whatever his point was. As much as I love cats, including the couple that are tearing around my house as write, the first and only thing that occurs to me are the statistics. I’m either a nerd or I watch too much John Oliver. It’s just how I roll.

So what are the statistics? There are several and they are sweet.

Here’s a few from my “Best of” reel.

For starters, the average age of first-time mothers in the U.S. has been steadily rising. In 2021 the average age was 27.3 up from 25.6 just 10 years prior. So basically, eligible American women voters are now completely focused on their cats (and their plants btw) for an average of 9.3 years before having children, up from 7.6 years.

The average number of children per woman has decreased over the decades, stabilizing in 2000 to approximately 1.9 children per woman however the number of women choosing (or not being able to) have children has risen significantly to 16.5% of women in American in 2021. So listen up ladies!!

So, just in case you didn’t know your truth, a whopping 16.5% of you are a bunch of miserable cat-loving, plant watering, America-haters. Mr. (Ladies Man) Vance said it, so it’s gotta be true. *hangs head in shame*

The age that women are having children has risen, and the number of children has decreased, due to several factors including higher education attainment, career prioritization, access to contraception, and women having more control over their family planning decisions. Childless individuals often report higher financial stability and more personal freedom, allowing for greater focus on careers, hobbies, and social activities​.

As a woman, I thought that these were are all things that women less miserable, or at least until JD said I was wrong and so now I have to reevaluate my entire life.

One last tiny bit of math.. There aren’t any specific statistic regarding cat ownership in American men so I asked ChatGPT to extrapolate those results. Based on that extrapolation, approximately 2.53% of men own cats who, I have to assume, aren’t all together pleased the Trump’s VP pick either. SO, if we take the sad and miserable 16.5% of women and their equally as pissed off cats, plus the approximate 2.53% of men being miserable in solidarity, JD Vance has completely alienated 19.03% of the before you’ve even glanced upon his very “punchable face”.

You might be wondering why, as a Canadian, I have such a vested interest in JD Vance and Donald Trump. As much as I loathe my country being referred to as America’s little brother (exclusively by Americans) I can’t deny that what happens in America tends to find its way up to Canada. I cried right along with all you when Trump became president because on that day I knew women’s rights would be rolling back half a century. I obviously didn’t have anything to do with electing your president, so it’s kinda bullshit that he is somehow able to such a significant on my life.

In America, Thanksgiving is ruined in November when your weirdo uncle refuses to take off his MAGA hat during supper. In Canada, Thanksgiving is ruined in October when your weirdo uncle refuses to take off his MAGA hat during supper until you remind him that we actually have a Prime Minister to which he replies “I hate Trudeau too!” obviously super bummed that the fact that he stormed the capital doesn’t make him a patriot so much as it makes him uninvited.

Even our election cycles look a lot more “American” these days. It used to be that our parliament would at least put in a modicum of effort in functional debates and bipartisan achievements until our election was 6-8 months out. Now we’ve got honourable evil and honourable lesser evil hashing it out with more than a year to go. Maybe I’m remembering things from past elections differently??? Or maybe our “almost Trump” just makes the whole process seem so much longer and so, so much more excruciating?

Because of you Americans (the ones without cats) our country is facing an election between incumbent PM Justin Trudeau and Conservative Party leader and Leader of the Official Opposition, Pierre Poilievre.

Black face is bad and I’m not trying to defend it, not even a little bit, on any level in any universe, however Mr. Poilievre is aligning himself with radical right-wing groups that he feels is appropriate to post on social media, he’s been vocal about dialing back the rights of 2SLGBTQIA+ people and eliminating gender affirming care for trans youth, he’s vehemently against the carbon tax (another issue for another post), and on and on and on.

He tends to adapt his stance according to what he believes Canadians want and rarely mentions any goals or plans if he were to be elected as Prime Minister. Almost every time I see him speaking during question period or whatever other ribbon cutting, some idiot told him is popular, he’s taking shots at Trudeau without following up with what he would do differently.

Example: Canadians were calling him “nerdy” and so he lost the glasses. Now he’s got that face that only a mother could like and a cat lady could punch. What do you think??

sources: Patrick Doyle/The Canadian Press, Senate.gov

Thankfully, your pal JD would really flunk up here. Even without the black face (why Justin? C’mon!) In the 60s, the average age of first-time mothers was 23 years old, and that number increased to 31.1 years in 2024. In 1990, child-free women aged 50+ was 14.1%, increasing to 17.4% by 2022. Similar to Americans, Canadian women cite career ambitions, personal lifestyle choices, financial issues, and environmental concerns for their key reasons to opt out of motherhood.

And in case he asks, tell Vance that 38% of us own cats, so fuck off!

Once more, cuz I know you want it…

source: the Guardian

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