Living on Purpose: How to Build a Life That Actually Matches Your Values

Living on Purpose (Not By Default)

A “lifestyle” isn’t your oat-milk latte ritual or whether your couch is beige or teal. It’s not the grocery list you keep forgetting to bring to the supermarket or the curated shelf you post on Instagram (guilty). It’s the way you move through the day when no one’s watching. The blueprint you’re running on—whether you wrote it yourself or just inherited it from a world that told you, this is the way things are done.

Here’s the hard part: most of us didn’t choose the blueprint we’re living by. We picked it up like static. Family habits, friend circles, advertising that never shuts up. Get the job. Get the stuff. Get the house plant that withers the second you look away. That’s not rebellion, that’s autopilot.

But when your daily life lines up with what actually matters to you—your non-negotiables, your core—something shifts. You stop fighting yourself. You get sturdier. Less exhausted. More you.

This isn’t about “aesthetic minimalism” or clickbait lists of “10 ways to be authentic.” It’s about deep alignment: making sure the life you’re living actually matches the beliefs you swear by. And that takes work. Real work. The kind you feel in your bones.

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Step One: Figure Out What Actually Matters (Not What You’re Told Should)

The internet will feed you prefab lists of “top values” like honesty, hard work, family. Cute. But your true values are messy, contradictory, and stubbornly personal.

Try this instead:

• Think about your best moments. When were you proud? Lit up? Fully alive?
• Now think about your worst. When did you feel small, compromised, out of step with yourself?

The patterns in those two lists point you toward your North Star. If freedom is in your best moments and micromanagement is in your worst, then autonomy is probably one of your values. Write your top three somewhere visible—not for branding, but for survival. They’re the compass you’ll need.

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Step Two: Face the Gap

Here’s the uncomfortable part. If you claim sustainability but are drowning in fast fashion hauls, there’s a gap. If you claim community but haven’t learned your neighbour’s name in two years, there’s a gap.

List your values. Then list your actual daily habits. Compare. Where are you aligned? Where are you drifting? The point isn’t guilt—it’s clarity. You can’t change what you won’t name.

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Step Three: Say No More Often

We love “intentional living” until it means disappointing someone. But if you never say no, you’re probably living by someone else’s values. Boundaries are the backbone of alignment.

That means:

• Skipping social events that drain you.
• Turning down work that crosses your ethics.
• Refusing to give money to companies that make you sick to your stomach.
• This ones hard. Saying ‘no’ when people ask for favours that require more than you have to give.

Saying no isn’t selfish—it’s choosing where your life force actually goes.

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Step Four: Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Want a reality check? Open your bank statement. Where your money goes says more about your values than your Instagram ever will.

If you say you care about indie artists but your walls are covered in mass-market prints, there’s a disconnect. If you say you’re into local food but keep throwing cash at multinational takeout, same thing.

The fix is slow and simple:

• Audit your spending.
• Highlight what matches your values.
• Cut the worst offenders first.
• Redirect cash toward what matters.

For my fellow Canadians, that might mean buying local and Canadian made. I’ve been using the Maple Scan app to at the grocery store to eliminate the second guessing and save yourself a ton of time.

Your receipts tell the truth—make them reflect the life you actually want.

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Step Five: Build Systems, Not Just Habits

Habits lean on willpower, and willpower burns out. Systems carry you when you’re tired.

• If you value learning: block off one night a week for it. Calendar it like a work meeting. Try out Domestika, Udemy, or Skillshare to learn a new skill. Domestika is my favourite.
• If you value giving back: set up an automatic donation, so generosity doesn’t depend on your mood. I’ve been micro-lending Kiva.org for years, which helps small business owners from all over the world with small investments.
• If you value health: meal prep on repeat, or auto-order staples. In Toronto, I’d try out Crisper Kits or Mama Earth. I use both of these services and they’re awesome.

The fewer choices you have to wrestle with in the moment, the easier it is to stay in line with yourself.

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Step Six: Expect Friction

Living by your values means sometimes you’ll be swimming upstream. Friends won’t always get it. Strangers might roll their eyes. You’ll cave to convenience now and then. That’s not failure—that’s life.

Alignment isn’t perfection. It’s persistence. You slip, you learn, you reset. Over time, the world around you shifts. The people in your orbit adjust. The current eases.

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Step Seven: Keep Checking In

Values aren’t a one-time carve in stone. They evolve with you. The way you live them at 20 won’t look the same at 40. Trust me.

Do a yearly tune-up:

• Are these still my top values?
• Am I living them out, or just paying lip service?
• What needs to shift in my day-to-day to keep me aligned?

Treat it like maintenance, not judgment.

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Small Swaps, Big Difference

These aren’t about being perfect. They’re about stacking wins that add up.

• Sustainability: swap fast fashion for thrift, swaps, or upcycled pieces.
• Creativity: trade one Netflix binge for a DIY project or skillshare.
• Community: put down your phone, host a potluck.
• Health: ditch the energy drink, take a walk, drink some water.
• Learning: stop passively listening to podcasts—take notes, reflect.

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The Long Game

Living by your values isn’t a weekend makeover. It’s not even a “reset” or a “glow-up.” It’s the quiet, gritty, daily work of refusing to drift. Of building systems that make it harder to betray yourself. Of treating every choice like a small vote for the world you actually want to live in.

And if you need a rallying cry? Here’s one: Every choice is a quiet act of resistance.

Start with one swap. One no. One redirect of money or time. Then do it again. And again. Until it’s not a fight anymore—it’s just who you are.

Tag us when you make your move. Post a photo, a reel, a story. Use #NewGirlArmy and @shezinemagazine so we can amplify it. Reading this in The Edit? Hit reply and tell us your change—we might feature it next issue.

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